Thoughts Of A Wanderer
by Adventuress
Summary: Finding out she was a Bhaalspawn has left Sable heartbroken and bitter, wondering if she has the capacity to ever love or trust again. Her ignorance will demolish as she experiences bliss and sorrow through love and death while exploring the cruel realms.
1. Prelude

_This story, which is called "Thoughts of a Wanderer", is an independent fanfic. Neither this story, nor the author is authorized or sponsored by, nor licensed or affiliated in any way with any entity involved with or representing the development, marketing, distribution or support of Interplay Productions, Black Isle Studios or BioWare Corporation. All titles, items, and characters, described or referred to in "The Thoughts of a Wanderer" of the original game are trademarks of their respective companies. This fanfic is absolutely non-commercial and non-profit, and may not be distributed in any forms or in any parts without prior consent of the author "Adventuress"._

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Hey everyone! This is my first fic so please be gentle! This page is just a **_prelude_** to a story (which I've had kicking around in my mind for a while). Please enjoy. Any constructive criticism is welcome!

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**Day 30, Hour 12 (1 Mirtul, 1369) **

Death.

Some say death is a deliverance; a timely release that is woven into the strands of fate to ease the pain and suffering of mortality. These intellects embrace demise; welcome it with a wide smile and open arms. Others look upon it as a hindrance, a blockade to achieving the highest power, or simplest pleasure. These thinkers resent departure, so much so that they try and bend it to their own selfish will.

Every night I have thought endlessly about these two philosophies while staring at the glimmering heavens and cursing them so. I have tried to place myself in one category or another for some time now; I cannot. My mind…it wails in agony every time I step forward, begging and pleading for the pain and misery to end. But both my heart and soul tell me there is hope. Hope that I will overcome righteousness that has turned from the light, and mend evils that were not supposed to be broken.

My blood.

My blood has nothing and everything to do with it…

-Sable

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**Day 31, Hour 18 (1 Mirtul, 1369) **

It is a dance; a glorious dance for spectators with unseeing eyes. Two performers lift their heads in hesitation, calculating the unseen motion upon the ground. They are weary, weary of the same routine that they have participated in repeatedly. Suddenly, one of them moves, sending a shudder of anticipation into their sweating fingers. Their eyes flicker with smoldering passion; bodies quiver with concealed adrenaline. So they dance. The movements of their hands and feet, fast and flowing, are the only real thing on their minds. The intricate steps one must take during the performance are like coquetry with certain death. In a long spell the dance is done, like dying embers slowly extinguished by a cruel breeze. One of them falls; hushed whispers from the hidden crowd swallow them, consuming both psyche and spirit. The silent audience stands and applauds, but they cannot hear the praise.

This is no dance; this is real. This is a battleground. This is my life.

-Sable


	2. Defeating Dreams

_This story, which is called "The Thoughts of a Wanderer", is an independent fanfic. Neither this story, nor the author is authorized or sponsored by, nor licensed or affiliated in any way with any entity involved with or representing the development, marketing, distribution or support of Interplay Productions, Black Isle Studios or BioWare Corporation. All titles, items, and characters, described or referred to in "The Thoughts of a Wanderer" of the original game are trademarks of their respective companies. This fanfic is absolutely non-commercial and non-profit, and may not be distributed in any forms or in any parts without prior consent of the author "Adventuress"._

_Hey everyone. Finally came out with the second chapter. I haven't written in years so let me know how I'm doing! Comments are welcome!_

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**The Thoughts of A Wanderer- Chapter One**

**Day 5, Hour 2 (2 Mirtul, 1369)**

Dreams.

I find myself waking up at night, drenched in sweat and tangled in worn sheets. My dreams; they are constantly in my thoughts. So many times I have dreamt of Irenicus and his detached face as he carved the cool knives into my skin. How many times have I seen Imoen snatched away from me? My fears and doubts are preyed on constantly. My innermost reflections are reality when I am caught in the dominion of dreams. Even after all of this ends, if it ever does, I have some trepidation that they will not end.

-Sable

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"Sable." A bitter voice reverberated throughout the hushed room.

Sable's dark lashes slowly fluttered open; her distorted vision gradually started to sharpen upon a particular figure looming over her. Her dark brows creased as she began to place coherent thoughts together. She blinked a few times finally realizing where she was, and the danger she was in.

"L-Leave me be." Her voice was weary and laced with fear. She tried to yank one of her hands free from the chain it was attached to.

"It is time for more…experiments." The man lifted up his hands, the fingers weaving delicately into a pattern for a spell. Sable closed her eyes tightly and whimpered, sliding back to the end of the cage with what little strength she had left. Her breathing was heavy as she heard the man's chants. She covered her small, pointed ears with her hands trying to block out the horrid sound. Every muscle in her body tensed as she felt a tremor of pain begin at the tip of her spine. Soon the searing pain snaked its way up and into her head. In a moments time she saw a blinding light along with the sensation of needles piercing every inch of her body. She trembled violently as the sensation swept through her. Her eyes flew open as she heard a revolting shriek. It sounded helpless…weak and vulnerable. Whose scream was it? She saw no one else around the small room except for the man. She opened her full lips to retch as she realized something- it was _her _screams.

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Sable's eyes opened quickly as she bolted upright in bed. Nimble fingertips were placed on her clammy brow, the sweat trickling down her delicate features. She sighed heavily as she realized that once more her sleep was burdened by Irenicus and his torture. Her fingers reached for the scarlet covers that had hastily been thrown off of her. When she was done replacing the covers to the normal position she kept them in, she rose out of bed to light a little candle at her bedside. She shivered visibly as she surveyed the lavish room. The large bed was full of feathery pillows and warm blankets. The candle on the small table beside her bed shimmered in the darkness. She hugged herself as she stood in the middle of the large room…alone. Her cold blue eyes looked on as the last of the dying embers made love to the rotting timber in the hearth; she rubbed her trembling hands together quickly, trying to create friction between the chilly digits. She wrapped the obsidian material of her nightdress around her as she made her way to the wood that was stacked next to the hearth. She picked a few logs up, setting them into the fireplace and relighting them. She shuffled her feet on the chilly stone floor as she sauntered toward the window on the opposite wall. Her elbows connected with the cold stone of the window ledge as she looked beyond the glass. In the distance the first rays of golden sunshine could be seen peaking over the rolling hills of wilderness. A soft snow blanketed the grass and foliage, leaving the scene before her glittering like miniature diamonds. The vision faded however when a few dark tresses fell in front of her eyes. Aggravated, she scooped them up and put them behind her ear. Her fingertips settled on the pointed tip of her ear for a few long moments. She shook her head, her thoughts wandering a little further than what she wanted. She looked back out the window, but the beautiful moment that she had captured before was gone…the diamonds had faded as the sun continued to rise. She frowned faintly as she turned away from the outside world.

A small knock on the door startled her. Judging by the hesitant voice outside, it was more than likely Aerie.

"S-Sable? Are you awake?" The small knock came again.

"Hold a moment!" Sable answered as she tied the material around her even tighter. She hurried to the entryway, opening the door halfway to see the blonde-headed Avariel.

"I-I didn't mean to wake you…" She was playing with her hands in an apologetic manner, like a child about to be scolded. Sable waved a hand, smiling lightly.

"What is it you need Aerie?" She tilted her head to the side in question, the small smile still on her face.

"Well…" She looked at Sable for a moment longer before continuing. "…there is a man downstairs. He wishes an audience with the Lady." Aerie looked down the long hallway before continuing. "H-He's making an uproar in the audience hall."

Sable's dark brows creased as she looked at Aerie. "Who could be so important that they demand to disturb our rest?" She sighed loudly. "Is Nalia not about:

Aerie shrugged a bit as she looked away from Sable again. "She's busy, Sable. Besides, h-he's pointedly asked for you. I- they said his name was…" Her lips twisted as she tried to remember the name correctly. "…L-Leonsbane."

Sable's knees suddenly became weak. She clutched onto the material near her stomach tightly- she was suddenly feeling sick. She closed the door a bit and murmured to Aerie distractedly. "I'll be down in a moment. Tell him I'm coming." Aerie nodded once to her and turned on her heels to leave. Sable shut the door quietly, sinking onto the floor in anger. She held her head in her hands and hissed.

_Curse the Gods for allowing my existence._


	3. Forgotten Stranger

_**This story, which is called "Thoughts of a Wanderer", is an independent fanfic. Neither this story, nor the author is authorized or sponsored by, nor licensed or affiliated in any way with any entity involved with or representing the development, marketing, distribution or support of Interplay Productions, Black Isle Studios or BioWare Corporation. All titles, items, and characters, described or referred to in "Thoughts of a Wanderer" of the original game are trademarks of their respective companies. This fanfic is absolutely non-commercial and non-profit, and may not be distributed in any forms or in any parts without prior consent of the author "Adventuress".**_

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**_Thoughts of A Wanderer- _**

**_Day 6, Hour 11 (2 Mirtul, 1369)_**

_Love._

_I understand it is a thing that is hard to give, and even harder to lose. There is bitterness in my heart that I cannot explain, a barrier there to prevent my heart from hurting. Every night I silently lie awake, sobbing away my pain and frustrations of a lonely heart. There is no freedom for love in a Bhaalspawn's life. After all, look what happened to Gorion… and Imoen. They have been the only ones I have allowed myself to love and they were snatched from right under my fingertips. No; it is better I live a lonely existence and allow others the liberty and pleasures of life without my taint looming over them. Should I allow myself the hope that one day I too shall melt into someone's arms? To feel the butterflies in my stomach when my eyes meet with my lover?_

_We shall see._

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Sable's footsteps echoed throughout the stony staircase. She deliberately went as slow as possible, placing once foot hesitantly before the other. She quietly adjusted the lavender laces on her top, threading them through some holes before tying it off into a knot at the top. She threaded her fingers through her raven tresses; letting the long locks fall wherever they so pleased. She did this often, thinking it gave her a wild and exotic look.

She was nervous; so nervous her fingers were trembling. She held her hands out to let the digits touch the cool stone to ease her thoughts. She sighed heavily. She hadn't seen Ashen Leonsbane for what seemed like…forever. _And how in the Hells did he know I was here? _She shook her head as she took the last step on the staircase. _Why did he come? Why now? _She held her breath in anticipation as she slowly looked around the corner, careful not to be seen. She was surprised to note that none of the other companions were in the audience hall. It was simply Ashen standing next to a table, drumming his fingertips in a jaded manner. She took a moment to admire him while he was distracted. Her eyes first roamed over his whole body, taking in his towering height. Well, he was tall to her because of her heritage. Her eyes snaked back up to his northernmost features. His long raven hair, like Sable's, spilled down onto his shoulders. He kept it neat and clean, judging from his appearance at the moment. He had a chiseled nose, and a strong jaw. Her eyes lowered a little to discover his broad shoulders, his slim but firm waist, muscled calves, and wide feet. She raised a dark brow. His muscle mass had grown quite a bit since the last time she had seen him. It wasn't the muscles that had caught her attention though. After all, _plenty_ of men had an attractive physique. It was the eyes that had captivated her. Her blue orbs wove their way up once more to try and catch his striking emerald eyes. A lump caught in her throat as her eyes met his. _How long had he been watching?_ She didn't expect to see him staring at _her_. She stepped out from the corner of the stairs as she noticed a slight smirk appear on the corner of his lips.

"So it _is _true. Sable, the famous Bhaalspawn, does live in this charming little castle." Sarcasm dripped from every word as he spoke. He gave a mocking bow, sweeping so far down his head looked as if it would hit his knees. She should have expected this…but she wasn't one to back down. She was known amongst her companions for being extremely stubborn and hardheaded.

"True. I do live here." She raised a dark brow at him, taking a few steps toward him slowly. "I find a castle with guards more appealing than the streets of the slums." She gave him a small, cruel smile in return.

"Ah." He wiggled a finger at her scornfully. "Still caught up in your little status games, hm?"

She shrugged lightly, squaring her shoulders so she faced him completely. She was tired of the games already. "What is it you want, Ashen? Why did you come here? Not for some childish word mêlée, I hope."

"Actually, no." He shook his head slightly. "I've come because I have heard of Imoen-"

A sudden burst through the door startled them both. Sable looked over to see Jaheria walking toward her in a confident stride. She stopped beside her friend, an arching brow greeting her as she looked from Sable to Ashen. "Pardon the intrusion Sable but I must speak with you. It is urgent." Sable nodded once to Jaheria in acknowledgement.

"Excuse us, Ashen. It will only be a moment." She turned to walk toward the opposite part of the room so she could quietly converse with her comrade. Jaheria followed quietly, a worried expression clouding her features. She began to talk quietly, her voice level throughout the conversation. "It is about Nalia." Jaheria's gaze drifted over to Ashen. She wrinkled her nose somewhat before whispering again. "She's sick Sable. Surely you knew. We…don't think she's going to make it."

Sable's dark brows creased in question. "I knew she had a small cold…perhaps even a fever." She brought a single finger up to tap on her full lips. "Why wasn't I aware of this until now?" She tilted her head at Jaheria in question. She was beginning to get angry.

"Nalia requested we not wake you. She insisted that you needed your rest."

Sable slammed her fist up against the wall. It was not hard enough to puncture it, but Jaheria and Ashen suddenly focused their attention upon the infuriated woman.

"I will go and see her now…alone." Sable lifted her chin as she turned to walk out of the room.

* * *

Sable opened the creaking door slightly; peering into Nalia's room to make sure no one was there. She let out the breath she was holding as she looked around the area. The large hearth was filled to the brim with crackling logs. Pea green curtains completely covered her window prohibiting any light to filter though. A few small candles were lit about the room allowing the shadows along the walls to come alive, growing and shrinking every moment. She heard Nalia give a loud, gurgling cough. She grimaced as she stepped inside, shutting the door softly behind of her.

"Nalia?" Her voice was soft and welcoming as she walked toward the sickly woman. Nalia turned her head slowly until she caught sight of Sable.

"Hel-" Nalia coughed suddenly, bringing her hand up to catch a large gob of spittle and mucus. She looked horrible. Large, dark bags were visible under her eyes. Her shoulder length hair was so greasy it almost looked a dull brown instead of its usual shimmering ginger color. "Sable." She took in a deep breath to cough again.

Sable took in a small breath before letting it back out. "I see the potions aren't working." She stopped as her knees touched the side of Nalia's wrinkled sheets. Nalia's hand that lay closest to Sable was tangled between the emerald sheets. Sable searched for her hand for a few moments before finally taking it and situating it between both of her own. It felt clammy and balmy to the touch. "I'm…afraid for you Nalia." Sable pursed her lips for a few moments in silent thought. "I…don't know what else to do. We've tried almost every potion we have here."

Nalia let out a small gurgle as she exhaled. "There…is…someone." The cough sounded again. "He will know…" She paused a moment to catch her breath. "…how to help. His name is Wesley." Nalia closed her eyes, letting her lashes quiver in exhaustion. "If you…would seek him…out in the slums." With those last words Nalia turned her head away from Sable to drift off to sleep. Disturbed, Sable placed Nalia's hand back onto the soft sheets. She turned away from the sick woman to the covered window. She walked over to it and pulled the velvet curtains open. A beam of light entered the room sprinkling Sable in a bewitching glow. She took in a deep breath as she looked out the window. Flurries were beginning to stick to the window allowing little to observe from the outside world. Sable knew this type of condition was dangerous to travel in. Perhaps the weather would ease up as she traveled closer to the coast? She sighed heavily. She had already decided to go alone. She wouldn't tell the others her plan; not yet anyway.

"Rest well, Nalia." Sable whispered as she took a last look at Nalia before departing. Her boots rattled against the cold stone floor.

She balled her fists up as tight as she could after closing the door to Nalia's room. She put her back up against the wooden frame as she listened to the young woman cough once more. She gritted her teeth.

_I'll be damned if I stand by and watch as one of my friends wither and die._

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End file.
